I’m Dustin “El Jefe” Christmann, and I am an FC Dallas fanatic from Day One of the Dallas Burn. I’m also a hater. I used to yell mean, hateful things from the stands at the Cotton Bowl and Toyota Stadium, but now, I’m sharing my id with you to help guide you, my fellow FCD fans, in your enjoyment of Major League Soccer on TV.
Musical accompaniment
Last week
If there’s one thing we can say about FC Dallas in 2026, it’s that they will not shy away from a challenge, even if it’s of their own making. They had two challenging games since last weekend, each in their own way, and came away with six points and now sit in third in the West.
Last Saturday, they returned home for the first time since May, got to play one of the worst teams in league history, Sporting Kansas City, who are bad in a multitude of ways… and went down 2-0 by the 20th minute. They rose to the challenge of their own making, scored three goals before halftime, and went into the dressing room up 3-2.
In the second half, they were outpossessed, out-xPed, and outplayed by a truly bad team and conceded again in the 78th and looked as if they were going to throw away more points at home until they again rose to the challenge of their own making and earned a somewhat charitable, but valid, penalty deep in stoppage time, which Petar Musa converted for the 4-3 win.
Since Musa’s left shoulder looked hurt in the foul that resulted in the penalty, where he looked in discomfort as he hammered it home, the team would be presented with a challenge as they headed to Minnesota for a midweek game. How big of a challenge was a little unknown since the super-secretive FC Dallas coaching staff and PR department only told us that he was “questionable” with an “upper body” injury.
And yet, although they were playing a better team in their own house, FCD rose to the challenge, was definitely the better team on the night, and walked out with a 2-1 win courtesy of a clinical Santi Moreno finish of a chance that Joaquin Valiente beautifully set up for him. It was truly a moment where you could say about both players, “Yes, this is why he’s here,” and it was a moment of beauty.
And now, a bit unexpectedly, they sit tied with LAFC for third in the West, three points behind second-place Little Brother Orange, and six points behind Vancouver at the top. They’ve got 10 games remaining, with seven at home. The potential is there for a truly amazing finish.
But they gotta stop making challenges for themselves.
EL SUPERCLÁSICO DEL SIGLO (de la semana)
Inter Miami vs. Nashville SC (Apple TV, 6:30)
Duh.
A few times a season, there’ll be a matchup for this slot that’s obvious to everyone and their blind and deaf brother. The league doesn’t always get it right in choosing which games to feature, but this week, they did:
It’s no secret to anyone who reads my ramblings on Buzz’s Discord, a benefit of throwing $5 a month in Buzz’s direction on his Patreon, or elsewhere on social media that I’m a fan of Nashville coach BJ Callaghan. The first time Gregg Berhalter stepped down as US head coach, he stepped in as interim and guided the USA to a CONCACAF Nations League championship and the semifinals of the 2023 CONCACAF Gold Cup, where they went out on penalties to Panama.
As Nashville head coach, he’s rebuilt a team that was generally competent under his predecessor Gary Smith, but which had fallen off and was a non-playoff team in 2024, to finishing in the playoffs and winning the Open Cup in 2025, to being on pace to set a new points record in 2026. All the while, he kept Hany Mukhtar as his playmaker and Sam Surridge as his striker, brought in Cristian Espinoza from San Jose, and brought along FCD Academy alum Matthew Corcoran in the central midfield.
They’re on top of the league for a reason. They’re prolific scorers — currently averaging exactly two goals a match through 24 matches — but they are almost impenetrable at the other end, having conceded only 19. Of course, I write that right after they were penetrated twice on Wednesday night in Toronto, a 2-1 loss which was only their third loss in league play in 2026.
These two teams met a few weeks ago in Nashville, a 4-1 NSC win. That game felt like the first time that the notoriously star-humping American soccer media first discovered that Nashville really is no joke, that they were cutting through the league like a hot knife through butter for a reason. Since then, we’ve been treated to plenty of “Oh wow, Nashville is really, really good” discourse, as if 20 games wasn’t enough to figure it out. But then again, people love goals, and when you’re scoring at the rate Miami does (59 goals through 24 matches) on top of being the defending champs, you might get folks thinking that you’re the best team in the league.
They’re not.
Jefe the Hater’s rooting pick: Nashvegas. Maybe Callaghan will finally end up with the permanent USMNT job after Spurs show enough leg to Mauricio Pochettino.
Little Brother Game of the Week
Vancouver Whitecaps vs. Austin FC (Apple TV, Sunday at 5:30)
While we’re on the subject of “really good teams that get overlooked a bit while the American soccer media’s attention is focused on Miami and LAFC,” we’ve got the team that played in MLS Cup last season, and admittedly lost to Miami, and is currently on top of the Western Conference, the Vancouver Whitecaps.
They are also unfortunately the team most likely to not be playing in their current city next season. And while I will never be one of the promotion/relegation zealots on social media, I will share one of their complaints, namely that this league has a bad habit of relocating or contracting good teams just because the finances dictated. In 2001, the Miami Fusion won the Supporters’ Shield and a few months later, were contracted at the beginning of 2002. In 2005, the San Jose Earthquakes won the Supporters’ Shield, and in 2006 were playing in Houston.
I get the financial reasons why both of those situations happened. And if the Whitecaps get moved, I’ll understand that too. They’ve got a terrible lease at BC Place, and really, it’s not a great stadium for the Caps. But every time that MLS does this, it’s like a chemical plant leaking a little bit of toxic waste into a city’s water supply. It may not kill anyone right away, but don’t be surprised that some people end up with cancer.
I bring this up because the Caps are hosting Little Brother Green, whose entire origin story began because Anthony Precourt wanted to relocate the league’s very first team out of Columbus. The locals fought like hell, the team was sold, a new stadium was built, and we had a happy ending in the form of the Columbus Crew still being in Columbus, and Austin got an expansion team.
But that thing that has stuck with me is the entire saga leading up to that point. Don Garber shit on Columbus. Anthony Precourt shit on Columbus. The fact that Columbus took a chance on American professional soccer in the mid-90s before anyone else did meant nothing. But what got me is that waaaaaaay too many Austinites shit on Columbus and talked about Columbus like it was Dogpatch while Austin is some cosmopolitan destination. Listen, man, you clowns may have a Formula 1 track and some of the worst people in the world living in your fair city, but you still ain’t shit and never forget that.
And yet, those bozos will have a team next year, while Vancouver, a city with 50 years’ history of supporting the game, may not. There truly is no justice in North American professional soccer.
Jefe the Hater’s rooting pick: Vancouver. #SaveTheCaps
Sickos Game of the Week
DC United vs. Atlanta United (Apple TV, 6:30)
These teams had a heated battle for the Wooden Spoon last season, which DC United “won” on the final day of the season with a 1-1 draw against Atlanta. (Polite applause for Atlanta for getting the bare minimum result that would keep them from winning it.)
That “victory” for DC United also provides me with this fun fact: Winning the Wooden Spoon in 2025 means that DC United, who in the early days was the undisputed standard bearer for the league, now has more Wooden Spoons (all of which were won in the last 25 years) than MLS Cups (four, three of which were won more than 25 years ago).
And if it weren’t for the fact that Sporting Kansas City is currently headed for one of the worst seasons of all time and that Montréal is terrible in both English and French. These two clubs might be fighting it out for the Wooden Spoon again this year.
But what I love about this sport is that there are many paths to victory… and defeat. You can play tiki-taka, you can play catenaccio, you can kick and chase. All have been successful with certain teams; all have been very unsuccessful with others. It’s the same way with clubs. Atlanta currently has the fourth-highest payroll and built a terrific training center and expanded it last year. That training center has dedicated space for its academy and Atlanta United 2.
Meanwhile, DC United is 25th in payroll — but still ahead of one team near and dear to our hearts — and doesn’t even have a team in MLS Next Pro. And yet, DC United currently sits 11th in the East and Atlanta 14th. Like I said, there are many ways to be good and terrible in soccer.
Jefe the Hater’s rooting pick: Draw.
Good Guys Game of the Week
FC Dallas vs. Portland Timbers (Apple TV, 7:30)
I’m writing this column on Saturday morning. On my TV screen is Phil Neville, who was free to develop his media career since the Timbers loaded him into the ejector seat in May, right as the league took a break for the World Cup. And Neville is truly making the most of his pundit career. During the World Cup, he gave us this:
That game was a 2-0 win for Inter Miami, by the way. It was Inter Miami’s first-ever win at Nu Stadium, and Messi? He had the first goal, and therefore the game-winning goal, in that win. It was also Neville’s penultimate game in charge of the Timbers. The final dagger was put in by the Quakes, who beat the Timbers 3-1 in Portland the following weekend. Oh, and just for added spice, Phil Neville was Inter Miami’s head coach until right before Lionel Messi arrived in 2023. Among Lionel Messi’s many talents, “getting Phil Neville fired” would appear to be one of his more underrated.
But enough about the Timbers’ former manager, whom I shall greatly miss because he was not very good at his job. If you need any confirmation of this assertion, just look at the Timbers’ glow-up since he was canned. They’ve played 10, won five, lost twice, and drawn three. 18 points in 10 games is the sort of pace that’ll put you up near the top of the playoff chase. They are in a playoff spot now, but because of their terrible start under Neville, they are only eighth.
One of those draws came at home against FCD in July. FCD looked as if they were going to get a rather rare away win in Portland when Petar Musa scored in the 88th minute to give FCD a 2-1 lead. Sadly, Felipe Mora scored in stoppage time to give both clubs a point, but in retrospect, it turned out to be an early indicator that FCD was not going to fall apart completely on their road trip.
Mora is no longer in Portland, having been transferred to Atlético San Luis at the end of July, but the Timbers replaced him with Vincent Janssen at more or less the same time, and Janssen is fresh off a hat-trick last weekend in Minnesota.
So this game will be a challenge because FCD’s goal-scoring hero is currently “questionable” and is hopefully receiving a better caliber of care than the FCD medical staff is known for. It’ll also be a challenge despite being at home… or maybe because they’re at home.
Time to rise to the challenge one more time, boys.