I’m Dustin “El Jefe” Christmann, and I am an FC Dallas fanatic from Day One of the Dallas Burn. I’m also a hater. I used to yell mean, hateful things from the stands at the Cotton Bowl and Toyota Stadium, but now I’m sharing my id with you to help guide you, my fellow FCD fans, in your enjoyment of Major League Soccer on TV.
Musical accompaniment
Last week
Count me among the haters of the recently-concluded international break. For one thing, I’m a “club before country” kind of fan, and it meant two weekends without seeing my favorite teams. Not just FCD, who actually only had one weekend off but had to play without a bunch of players, but also my favorite European clubs. In place of their games were a bunch of UEFA Nations League games and USMNT friendlies. Talk about #FirstWorldProblems.
But the other reason I hated it is that I’m not as young as I used to be, and I sometimes struggle with “what did I have for breakfast this morning,” let alone what happened three weeks ago, the last time MLS teams played with their full rosters.
But MLS did have a full matchday two weeks ago, and FCD did play, and they beat LAFC 1-0 at the Toyota Construction Area.
Was it a great game? No. But it was a victory, which hasn’t been as automatic at home as they have been in the past. They also got Marc Dos Santos fired a couple of days later. To be honest, I didn’t think that LAFC would actually pull the trigger on him so quickly, but maybe I’m just too used to the Hunts’ “they’re in the playoffs, so the manager’s doing fine” approach.
And since we were on an international break, Peter Welpton got the opportunity to compile the “sack assist” stat, in which FCD is the all-time leader:
FC Dallas: MLS’ leading coach-killers. Anyway, here’s Dos Santos’ pic one more time, Hunger Games-style:
EL SUPERCLÁSICO DEL SIGLO (de la semana)
New England Revolution vs. Seattle Sounders (Apple TV, 6:30)
I don’t know why I expected anything different.
We’ve seen this story multiple times before, haven’t we? The Sounders struggle the first half of the season, sit outside of the playoffs, and you think, “Oh wow, Schmetzer’s not gonna get them out of this jam this time.” And then, something happens — a key signing, a tactical shift, or whatever — and not only do the Sounders play like a house on fire in the second half, but they end up making a nice, deep playoff run, sometimes at FCD’s expense.
Frankly, it’s disgusting. And if they weren’t playing in someone else’s house, it would be the sort of thing that would merit a statue of Schmetzer outside of the stadium. Maybe they put it up when they build their stadium in whatever Seattle suburb that they end up in.
And I regret to inform you, dear reader, that they’re doing it again. They’re on an eight-game unbeaten run, they’ve risen to seventh in the West, and they look primed to ruin somebody’s day in the playoffs, and by “somebody,” I mean “FC Dallas.” How did they do it, you might ask? They got healthy. Back in July, they had 10 players on the injury list, including some pretty heavy hitters. Now, they’ve got three.
I’m not mad, just impressed. And so even though they’re still only in seventh and even that eight-game unbeaten streak started off with five draws, I’m noting that they’re also on a three-game winning streak. And they’re playing the best team in the East not located in central Tennessee. So here’s your Superclásico game of the week.
Jefe the Hater’s rooting pick: New England. I’m impressed with the Sounders’ ability to wriggle out of a jam, but I still want them to finish on the wrong side of the playoff line.
Little Brother Game of the Week
Austin FC vs. Nashville SC (Apple TV, 7:30)
Moving from unbeaten streaks that might be fraudulent, but actually aren’t, to ones that are actually fraudulent, we’ve got Little Brother Green. Here, have a meme:
Just something to remember the next time someone wants to tell you that Little Brother Green is “showing signs of life.” Yes, 14 points in eight games isn’t bad, and yes, those three wins were away at Seattle, Portland, and Vancouver, which is simply amazing to me as an FCD fan who is used to penciling in a loss for those road games every season.
Still, when you’re down near the bottom of the West, you’re not gonna rise very well one point at a time, so… they’re still in 13th. Couldn’t happen to a nicer team.
Quite likely, we’re gonna hear the words “unbeaten streak” associated with Little Brother Green for the last time for a while after tonight because they’re hosting the buzzsaw known as Nashville SC. There are still seven games remaining in the season, but they’re currently the only team to clinch a playoff spot. If they win in Austin on Saturday night and Wednesday at home against SKC and get a few other results go in their direction, they can clinch the Supporters’ Shield. With five games to go.
Let the big dogs eat.
Jefe the Hater’s rooting pick: Nashville
Sickos Game of the Week
St. Louis City SC vs. LA Galaxy (Apple TV, Sunday at 6:00)
One unbeaten streak that definitely isn’t fraudulent belongs to St. Louis City. First of all, 17 games without a loss is impressive in and of itself. The last time they lost a league game was May 3. But even more impressive is that of those 17 games, only five have been draws. 41 of their 47 points has come in those 17 games.
To be honest, St. Louis’ ownership deserves a lot of credit here. As they’ve established in their brief time in Major League Soccer, they like to fire a coach. The average tenure for a St. Louis coach is still under one season. But when they started with six points after 10 games, they resisted the temptation to fall back into their old habits, and they kept Yoann Damet around. He, in return, has guided them up the table to second, just three points behind Vancouver.
And now Damet has been given Rafael Navarro to put in the lineup at the low, low, price of $12 million paid to the Colorado Rapids. (Say what you will about the Hunts, but I will give them enough credit that I don’t think that would sell their leading scorer midseason to another MLS team. But then, the Rapids have always been what people think that FCD is.)
Back when the league schedule was made, and this game was chosen for SUNDAY ⚡ NIGHT ⚡ SOCCER ⚡⚡⚡, I’m pretty sure that it was because it was going to feature the 2024 MLS Cup champs, who everyone thought was getting Riqui Puig back from the injury that killed his 2025 season. It certainly wasn’t gonna be because of St. Louis, who had made a completely different name for themselves for the past couple of seasons.
So instead, we’ll get St. Louis native Taylor Twellman gush about his hometown team for 90 minutes. We’ll also get regular shots of FC Dallas legend Greg Vanney with a “dead man walking” look on his face for those 90 minutes. I hear that Bradley Carnell is available.
Jefe the Hater’s rooting pick: LA Galaxy. Amusingly, former St. Louis player João Klauss is their current leading scorer, with seven goals on the season. Let’s get that number up, João.
Good Guys Game of the Week
Charlotte FC vs. FC Dallas (Apple TV, 6:30)
Charlotte sucks.
For the purposes of this column, yes, it’s always a given that FCD’s opponent sucks, but I’m talking the city here. Charlotte sucks. It is soulless, it is corporate, and it is bland. They are a major city where you don’t quite understand how they’re a major city, even though they are home to Bank of America.
Story time: After I left D/FW 19 years ago, I went to get my master’s degree at the University of South Carolina. For someone who had spent most of his life in Houston, Austin, and Dallas, it was an eye-opening experience moving to Columbia, South Carolina, because it is small and it is provincial, despite being home to a state government and a major public university. While I was living there, it was a big deal locally that they got a Chipotle.
However, it is also only a 90-minute drive from Charlotte. But you know what? I quickly figured out that there was nothing worth driving 90 minutes for in Charlotte. Yes, you had more “big city” amenities, and yes, it was the main hub for US Airways and meant cheaper flights, but if someone were to ask me what there is to do in Charlotte, I couldn’t ever tell you. I guess you could go to Carowinds, but even that’s just across the state line in South Carolina.
I would rather drive three hours to Atlanta than drive 90 minutes to Charlotte. I can name a bunch of things to do and see in Atlanta. It’s a place with soul, it’s a place with energy, it’s a place with spirit. It can be a little rough and tumble at times, but that’s part of its charm.
So yes, Charlotte sucks. And I could not tell you one notable thing about this local soccer team, which plays their home games on turf to fill dates at their owner’s NFL stadium. All that despite the fact that they’re one of the better teams in the Eastern Conference. They’re bland and uninteresting, right down to the fact that their mascot… is a soccer ball. Minty makes Tex Hooper seem downright inspired.
Oh wait, they’ve also got septuagenarian Tim Ream, who will not be playing against FCD due to a red card suspension.
So what I’m saying is that Charlotte FC is a perfect embodiment of their home city.