I’m Dustin “El Jefe” Christmann, and I am an FC Dallas fanatic from Day One of the Dallas Burn. I’m also a hater. I used to yell mean, hateful things from the stands at the Cotton Bowl and Toyota Stadium, but now, I’m sharing my id with you to help guide you, my fellow FCD fans, in your enjoyment of Major League Soccer on TV.
Musical accompaniment
Last week
First, the complaints about last week.
- FCD went down 3-1 in St. Louis before coming back. The team has given up three, five, and three goals in the last three games as Eric Quill is burning out a back line that doesn’t have any depth, and the midfield’s inability to relieve any pressure on the back line is laid bare.
- Lionel Messi went nuts and scored four goals against a Montreal team that has visibly given up on the 2026 season, and since Petar Musa lined up against a more competent and motivated team and did not score (but provided the final pass to Logan Farrington on the final goal, FWIW), Messi has displaced Musa on top of the league scoring table.
But the latter is a minor complaint, and the fact that I’m even bringing up the league scoring table should tell you that we don’t have much to complain about.
- They did come back from 3-1 down to go home with a 3-3 draw in a stadium where they have literally never won. In the last game of a seemingly interminable road trip, they kept fighting until the final whistle and got the point.
- That interminable road trip was more of a success than any of us could’ve expected. In league play, they won four, lost two, and drew three for 15 points in nine games, or 1.67 PPG. If you add in the two wins and one loss in Leagues Cup, that comes to 21 points in 12 games, or 1.75 PPG. And the closest they came to playing at home was playing at North Texas SC’s home stadium in Mansfield and their home-away-from-home in North Austin.
I don’t know if this club will ever win any silverware under Eric Quill. He works for people who seem to want to prevent that. But he’s taken this roster and MacGyver’d it into a fifth-place team coming into a final stretch of the season where they’ve got eight out of 12 at Toyota Stadium.
EL SUPERCLÁSICO DEL SIGLO (de la semana)
Vancouver Whitecaps vs. St. Louis City (Apple TV, 9:30)
FCD’s last two opponents meet late Saturday night at BC Place. Since San Jose, FCD, and St. Louis all drew last weekend, all three remain tied for fourth at 34 points. And since FCD and St. Louis drew, St. Louis’ unbeaten streak remains unbroken at 13 games, even if they don’t feel great about it.
On the other hand, a two-goal FCD comeback against San Diego earlier this season sent San Diego into a tailspin that they’ve only recently pulled out of. One can only hope this awaits St. Louis. Nothing again the Toasted Ravioli Boyz, but we’re now in the last third (give or take) of the season, and it’s not just about FCD getting results; it’s about their competition losing. And having to contend with a club that’s on a heater is a problem.
And when that club has just dropped eight figures on an actual good player from the Colorado Rapids, Rafael Navarro, they’re especially problematic. Did they overpay a bit for Navarro? Maybe. But hey, let’s just say that they’re not the Overpaying Kings of the Western Conference at the moment:
Anyway, while FCD is impersonating a middle-aged car enthusiast by paying top dollar for “projects” that may or may not get finished, St. Louis is obviously Going For It. (Look, I’m just saying… FCD spent multiple millions on Kaick and while he is growing as a player, maybe spend some dough on a finished product before shelling out for another project.)
Fortunately for us, they are rolling into BC Place to face a team that knows how to construct a roster, so when they Went For It and signed Thomas Müller, they ended up with an MLS Cup finalist and a team that has stayed on top of the West, despite selling their best domestic player.
Jefe the Hater’s rooting pick: Vancouver. Also, I don’t want Little Brother Orange to keep pace with them.
Little Brother Game of the Week
Austin FC vs. San Jose Earthquakes (Apple TV, 7:30)
Also under the heading of “We don’t just want FCD to win, we want their competition to lose,” we’ve got the Quakes, who are also tied with FCD in fourth on 34 points. And like last week, they’re facing a team that we always want to see lose. This week, however, they’re facing the other Little Brother.
Those of you who read last week’s column will remember that I didn’t actually want Little Brother Orange to lose. The reason was that the San Jose Earthquakes have been very busy alienating Bay Area soccer fans by hiring Gavin Wilkinson. (A John Fisher-owned team alienating Bay Area sports fans? Where have we heard that one before?) I’m not gonna rehash all of Wilkinson’s offenses, but suffice to say that if karma exists, the Quakes deserve a craphammering for hiring the guy after everything he did or didn’t do in Portland.
So my rooting pick was a draw. And the Hatin’ Gods came through with a 0-0 draw against Little Brother Orange. And so shall it be again this week with the rooting pick.
I gotta admit, though, it would be funny for Little Brother Green to win. That team stinks. Not only is their new coaching hire not starting on the job for another few months, but I’m pretty sure he’s researching to see if he can coach them remotely from his Philadelphia-area home.
Jefe the Hater’s rooting pick: Draw.
Sickos Game of the Week
Inter Miami vs. Atlanta United (Apple TV, 6:30)
I’m pretty sure that when the schedule makers drew up the 2026 schedule, they weren’t planning on giving Lionel Messi a “pad your stats against chumps” stretch. But here we are.
As I mentioned earlier, Messi got four in a 7-1 win over Montreal, who are the single best argument for relegation in Major League Soccer. (Note that I didn’t mention anything about promotion. I don’t want to see anyone from the USL Championship in MLS. I just want Montreal relegated.) This week, they play Atlanta, who are tied on points with Montreal.
But while Montreal owner Joey Saputo is a notorious cheapskate and is likely scrutinizing the food choices at the concessions stand at Stade Saputo to figure out the cheapest frankfurters that he can buy without running foul with the local health inspectors, Atlanta United are the exact opposite. They spend money, lots of it!
And that makes their current position even funnier. It was already pretty funny because of how they’ve stumbled continuously since they won MLS Cup in their second season. They’ve hired coaches. They’ve fired coaches. They’ve even brought back Miguel Almirón and Tata Martino, in an effort to recreate the magic of their MLS Cup run.
This image was in the 3rd Degree image library from when I first used it three years ago while talking about DC United. Pretend I put it in Photoshop and changed 1997 to 2018. I’m not gonna put THAT much effort into graphics for a Sickos Game.
And this week, they’re going to Miami to face a team that also spends money, most of it on the greatest player of our generation and his buddies, but was built competently by Chris Henderson… who is now in Atlanta. Of course he is.
Jefe the Hater’s rooting pick: Miami. I just like watching Atlanta continue to trip all over themselves.
Good Guys Game of the Week
FC Dallas vs. Sporting Kansas City (Apple TV, 7:30)
You see that? You see that name listed first? It’s FC Dallas, baby! They’re finally the home team again for a league game! Three and a half months after they last played at Toyota Stadium, they’re back!
And frankly, they’ve got the perfect opponent for their triumphant homecoming, Sporting Kansas City.
First of all, they’re FCD’s oldest rival. Kansas City, as the Wiz, then the Wizards, then Sporting Kansas City has been a pain in FCD’s ass for over 30 years. I cannot think of another team that I’d rather see FCD put the wood to on their return to Frisco.
But most importantly, like any good homecoming opponent, they stink, and they have stunk for a little while. Gone are the days when Peter Vermes would build teams full of schmucks that would finish at or near the top of the Western Conference. To paraphrase Rick Pitino, Johnny Russell isn’t walking through that door. Tim Melia isn’t walking through that door. Hell, even Vermes isn’t walking through that door anymore.
Instead, they’ve got a team sitting at the bottom of the Western Conference… as they did in 2025… as they did in 2024. They’ve scored the fewest goals in the league. They’re tied with Orlando City with the most goals conceded at 54. But while Orlando has gotten their act together after a terrible run to start the season that cost Óscar Pareja his job, brought in Antoine Griezmann to shore up the attack, and climbed up to a playoff spot, SKC has remained consistently terrible throughout the season.
And when you look at the fact that they willingly hired Raphaël Wicky as head coach when there was no good reason to do so, you start understanding that some things happen for a reason.
And when you look at the fact that they bought Owen Wolff for millions — MILLIONS! — when there was no good reason to do so, you start understanding that some things happen for a reason.
And when you look at the fact that Wolff’s purchase and the purchase of André Luiz were partially financed by selling Dejan Joveljić — an actually productive striker — to Seattle, you start understanding that some things happen for a reason.
Kansas City, you suck. But you have no one to blame but yourselves.