I’m Dustin “El Jefe” Christmann and I am an FC Dallas fanatic from Day One of the Dallas Burn. I’m also a hater. I used…

It was one of those restaurants — probably in England — where everything on the menu is revolting.

Anyway, if you’re looking for thoughtful analysis of the end of FCD’s season, you’ve come to the wrong column.

FC Cincinnati, which had only ever finished at the bottom of the Eastern Conference in every season of their existence, are now statistically The Greatest Playoff Team in MLS History.

You see, I’m a hater and there’s nothing I hate more than my own team once the playoffs roll around. Their playoff suckage is the stuff of nightmares.

Do I enjoy the fact that Atlanta United is hot garbage now? Do I enjoy that people are quickly forgetting that Tata Martino once coached them to an MLS title?

It feels like a month since we had a full weekend of MLS league games.

FC Dallas qualified for the playoffs. Nothing else matters. Of course, in typical FC Dallas fashion, they did so in an unconvincing fashion, getting a draw in San Jose while having other results go their way.

A bunch of games happened during midweek, I guess? No seriously, FCD was off while most of the rest of the league played so a lot fewer teams have a game in hand on FCD.

I’m not going to work too hard on this column, especially for junk games. I’m not gonna take vacation time trying to make jokes about Colorado-San Jose.