I’m Dustin “El Jefe” Christmann, and I am an FC Dallas fanatic from Day One of the Dallas Burn. I’m also a hater. I used to yell mean, hateful things from the stands at the Cotton Bowl and Toyota Stadium, but now, I’m sharing my id with you to help guide you, my fellow FCD fans, in your enjoyment of Major Soccer on TV.
Musical accompaniment
Last week
While last year’s good teams (and San Diego) were playing grab-ass with Liga MX teams in Leagues Cup, FC Dallas had the week off. I’ve got nothing against Leagues Cup in and of itself, just like I’ve got nothing against polyamory. It’s just not for me. But just like your friends’ lifestyle choices occasionally impose on your own life, so does Leagues Cup on teams who aren’t part of it. FCD had the weekend off last weekend, but they get to play a midweek game at some other part of the season.
But it’s not as if FCD was inactive during the off-week. They sold Marco Farfan to Tigres. Good for him, and I mean that sincerely. The guy has been nothing but a pro for the last three and a half years, showing up week in and week out and usually delivering solid performances. And now, he’s getting a move to one of Liga MX’s better clubs, where presumably they won’t ask him to play every damn minute of every game, until he’s a burnt-out husk.
And they sold Lucho Acosta to Fluminense for $4 million plus add-ons. I’ve written plenty about Lucho here, but this was not how you want the final four games in your career with a club to go:
- July 12 – at LAFC, entered in 60th minute with FCD down 2-0, booked, suspended next game for accumulation, FCD loses 2-0
- July 16 – at San Jose, suspended for accumulation, sent home due to shenanigans in LA, FCD draws 2-2, breaking a losing streak
- July 19 – vs. St. Louis, did not play (coach’s decision), FCD wins 3-0
- July 25 – vs. NYCFC, entered in 61st minute with match level at 3-3, FCD loses 4-3
Rarely have I seen an FCD player wear out their welcome more quickly than he did, and while I am harsh on FCD ownership and management for the way they have often mismanaged the roster, I am giving 100% credit for recognizing that it wasn’t working, pulling the plug, and getting a decent price for Acosta.
EL SUPERCLÁSICO DEL SIGLO (de la semana)
Orlando City vs. Inter Miami (Apple TV+ free game, Sunday at 7:00)
(2025 Lionel Messi content counter: 13)
The format of Leagues Cup had the top four MLS teams and the top four Liga MX teams advancing to the quarterfinals. These two teams are half of the MLS quarterfinalists. Both went undefeated in their three Phase One matches, winning two and drawing one against their Mexican opposition, with the only difference being that Miami beat Necaxa in penalties after their draw, while Orlando lost to Pumas in penalties.
(Personally, I think that giving teams a bonus point for winning the penalty shootout is dumb. I’ll save my TED Talk on this for another time, but I really wonder which dummkopf at the league office is responsible for this in Leagues Cup and MLS Next Pro.)
Miami might’ve been at home for all three games, but they did most of their work in Leagues Cup without a certain Greatest Player of Our Generation. Mind you, they still have Luis Suárez and Jordi Alba and Sergio Busquets, and now Rodrigo De Paul, so they’re fine. In case you’re wondering how they were able to add De Paul, the league has a little-known and just-introduced rule to allow teams who play in a market where I-75 intersects I-95 to sign players and pay them in Bahamian dollars, and only 5% of their salary will count against the cap.
Now you know.
Jefe the Hater’s rooting pick: Orlando
Little Brother Game of the Week
Austin FC vs. Houston Dynamo (MLS Season Pass, 7:30)
Not only are we gonna get the big Florida rivalry game this week, we’re also gonna get the Little Brother Derby. Little Brother Orange is gonna hop on a bus and ride up Highway 290 to visit Little Brother Green in what the Little Brother Green fans like to call Austin’s “second downtown.”
Friends, my family is from Austin. My parents, my aunt, and my uncle all went to McCallum High School back in the ‘60s. When they grew up in that part of town, it was out on the outskirts. Not so much anymore, but no one would call it downtown or anywhere close to downtown then or now. It’s North Austin, and no one pretends otherwise.
Q2 Stadium is four miles further out from there. It’s located next to The Domain, a mixed-use development that sits where the old IBM plant used to be. I worked at the IBM plant when I was in college, and that place was in the boonies. But now it’s The Domain, which I remind you that our friends down I-35 like to call “Austin’s second downtown.”
In case you might think that this is something I’m making up to set up a joke, here’s the Wikipedia page:
It is literally the bougiest, most Austin thing ever.
If you’re wondering why, pull up The Domain’s website. While I haven’t checked for myself, I’ll bet you that Williams-Sonoma has got a location there. (After checking, they don’t! But they do have Gucci.) Now, I don’t know where folks who say “Austin’s second downtown” with a straight face grew up, but I’m familiar with Austin’s first downtown, and uh, there’s not much resemblance. In fact, it’s safe to say that it doesn’t resemble any downtown of any major city that I’ve ever seen.
It’s a shopping mall, no matter how much you try to rebrand it to a “second downtown.”
But it’s the perfect place for a team that has tried to rebrand Nico Estévez as a competent MLS coach.
Jefe the Hater’s rooting pick: Draw.
Sickos Game of the Week
New England Revolution vs. DC United (MLS Season Pass, 6:30)
Speaking of games at stadiums located next to suburban shopping malls, we’ve got this one. It also features a team that’s already fired its coach and one with a coach who’s a dead man walking.
I know that one doesn’t need to be Nostradamus to predict that a head coach who presided over one of the worst teams in the league in 2024 and a slightly better, but still bad, team in 2025 probably should have his resume updated and make sure that he’s sent a fruit basket to his agent, but some people are still gonna be surprised for a moment when it happens.
”Wait, hasn’t he won two MLS Cups?”
Well, yes, but then, Schellas Hyndman went to MLS Cup 2010 in one of his two playoff appearances as FCD head coach. And like Hyndman, Caleb Porter has missed the playoffs more than he’s made them, despite having had some real talent at his disposal in Portland, Columbus, and Foxborough.
And I could almost be sympathetic to the guy if he hadn’t established himself as a first-rate putz who always acts like he’s the smartest guy in the room, a trait that he shares with his predecessor, Bruce Arena who was fired for [REDACTED], but who actually has a history of improving the teams that hire him.
I don’t ever root for people to be fired, but in Porter’s case, I will read the story with a sense of the inevitable, just as I’ll read the story that he’s been hired by another team who’s thinking, “He can fix us.”
Jefe the Hater’s rooting pick: DC United, who might end up being that team.
Good Guys Game of the Week
FC Dallas vs. Portland Timbers (MLS Season Pass, 7:30)
Our heroes weren’t the only team that had a prominent player depart this week. And he might not be the only team to have a prominent player head to Fluminense.
Of course, unlike Lucho Acosta’s unexcused departure, Santiago Moreno’s is not official. In fact, the Timbers are still insisting that he’s a member of their team until further notice, and that they’ll be taking disciplinary action.
But c’mon. FCD fans recognize this scenario because it happened to us. In the middle of FCD’s double-winning run in 2016, Fabián Castillo one day skipped town and was next seen in Turkey, demanding a transfer. At that point, there’s not much a club can do.
Our good friends at Fluminense are reportedly close to signing Moreno:
If you were wondering what Fluminense was gonna do with the $60 million in prize money that it got for making the Club World Cup semifinal, wonder no more. I don’t even care if they get that transfer over the line. For me, the fact that they’re messing with the Timbers like this this week is good enough for me.
But you kinda wonder what’s going on in Portland. I’ve been there. It’s not exactly Cleveland. It’s a little rainy most of the year, sure, but it’s a cool town. And yet… Evander wanted and got himself transferred to Cincy, and now Santi Moreno wants out. Does Phil Neville have the most obnoxious cheese farts?
It’s not our problem, however. Crush them with extreme prejudice and celebrate with a Guaraná, in honor of our new pals in Rio.
