I’m Dustin “El Jefe” Christmann, and I am an FC Dallas fanatic from Day One of the Dallas Burn. I’m also a hater. I used to yell mean, hateful things from the stands at the Cotton Bowl and Toyota Stadium, but now I’m sharing my id with you to help guide you, my fellow FCD fans, in your enjoyment of Major League Soccer on TV.
Musical accompaniment
Last week
Petar Musa has been Superman so often for FCD this season; it was easy to think that, with him stepping up the spot deep in stoppage to win the game, that he’d save the day again and that 2nd place would be wrapped up and in the bag.
Alas.
Full credit to Stefan Cleveland for preserving the draw and an ounce of dignity for SKC this season, but this was the second game against SKC that came down to a penalty in stoppage time… that was a bit harsh on SKC… that was called down to the center ref by VAR. Back in September, Musa put it home. This time, no. Four points against one of the worst teams in league history that possibly could’ve been two or even less.
It’s easy to blame the fact that Quill had to rotate his squad, thanks to the Wednesday night game against Columbus, and the fact that both Nolan Norris and Shaq Moore were out due to yellow-card accumulation, and the fact that Logan Farrington was not yet available. But really, if you’re a team that fancies itself to be a contender, these issues shouldn’t make a game against the worst team in the league so precarious.
Scoreboard-Watching Game of the Week
Minnesota United vs. San Jose Earthquakes (Apple TV, 6:00)
If I’m keeping it 💯 with y’all, I don’t want to have to care about this game in the slightest.
But… for us, it is the most important game of Decision Day outside of the FCD game. So instead of pretending that I care about RSL-Galaxy or Seattle-LAFC, let’s talk about this game.
Everyone’s been talking about Eric Quill for Coach of the Year. No, he won’t win, because B.J. Callaghan should win. You preside over a team that has steadily climbed the table since you’ve been in and that’s currently tied for the all-time points record at 74 and could break it if they get any sort of result against Cincy, and chances are good that they’ll crown. (Eric Quill is still Coach of the Year in our hearts, however.)
But another coach who should also get a tip of the cap is Bruce Arena. Yeah, I know, that feels like saying that Martin Scorsese made a good movie. The year before he took over in San Jose, the Quakes finished dead-last in the league. I’ve made all sorts of jokes about SKC this year with their 23 points. The 2024 Quakes had 21. In Arena’s first year in 2025, they still didn’t make the playoffs, but they improved to 41 points and only missed the playoffs on the first tiebreaker. This year, they’re sitting in 3rd place with 52 points after starting off the season like a house on fire.
Yeah, he’s a polarizing figure. He’s the single most successful coach in American soccer, winning a bunch of titles at the University of Virginia before MLS started. He won titles in DC and LA and made New England pretty fabulous before he [REDACTED]. He got the USMNT to the semifinals in 2002. He looked like he was going to successfully clean up Jürgen Klinsmann’s mess in 2017 before everything fell apart in Couva. And way more people are upset about that game than about whatever bad thing he did to get himself suspended by the league for over a season. (Just sayin’… it had to have been bad for the league to hand down THAT punishment.)
I am a Bruce Arena apologist. And I want him to suffer on Saturday night. I want the Wonderwall to be singing loud and proud as their boys do their part to try to squeak into the playoffs:
But they’ll need help.
Jefe the Hater’s rooting pick: Minnesota
Little Brother Game of the Week
Houston Dynamo vs. St. Louis City (Apple TV, 6:00)
Until last week, I would’ve had this game as the Scoreboard-Watch Game of the Week or the Other Scoreboard-Watching Game of the Week. Thankfully, they’ve both cooled off at a rather opportune time:
- Little Brother Orange has won twice in the last 13 matches. Shouldn’t have sold Jack McGlynn, I guess.
- St. Louis, once the owners of the longest unbeaten run in MLS history, have now lost four in a row.
And since they both lost last weekend while FCD was drawing in Kansas City (grumble grumble), neither can catch FCD. They’re both four points ahead of LAFC, so they can’t be caught either. There are permutations of results that can have either of these teams finish anywhere from 3rd through 5th.
But the important thing is that neither is finishing ahead of FCD.
Jefe the Hater’s rooting pick: Draw, because it’s legitimately the funniest result because it has the most opportunity for chaos that FCD won’t be a part of.
Sickos Game of the Week
DC United vs. New York City FC (Apple TV, 3:00)
It’s Decision Day, you’re being given three games with actual juice for you as an FCD fan, and you want a Sickos Game? C’mon man.
OK, fine, watch this game if you must. Both teams are a couple of Eastern Conference teams who are already out of the playoffs, which almost feels like a game between two already-relegated teams in far-off land.
Beyond that, this is DC United’s seventh straight season missing the playoffs. I gotta say that that’s pretty impressive. You almost have to try hard to have that sustained run of incompetence in Major League Soccer. But don’t take it from me; take it from everyone’s favorite chronicler of American soccer, Pablo Iglesias Maurer.
Pablo slips the following tidbit into his piece, which breaks down the utter incompetence of DC United:
United, who are seemingly too inept to perform the basic function of their business (fielding a competitive soccer team) are nevertheless asking the DC government for hundreds of millions of dollars to renovate Audi Field, their eight-year-old home.
Yes, it’s true. DC United, which didn’t open Audi Field until 2018, over a decade after FCD opened Toyota Stadium and when they were completing the Hall of Fame renovation, wants the District of Columbia to fork over $300 million to turn Audi Field into this:
What better time than when you’re setting a new record for incompetence to ask your local municipality for $300 million?
Jefe the Hater’s rooting pick: NYCFC, who has actually won MLS Cup since the last time DC United made the playoffs.
Good Guys Game of the Week
FC Dallas vs. Colorado Rapids (Apple TV, 6:00)
The Colorado Rapids try me. Since I live in Colorado, I get to see FCD once a season when they come to rickety-ass Dick’s Sporting Goods Park, where underrated fan tradition is to count how many sections of the LED screens are on the fritz. And it’s usually a frustrating trip to Commerce City for me. Before their win in May, it had been since 2014 that they had won at The Dick.
And since I’m a Day One fan of this club, I get a little anxiety whenever FCD has to play these clowns in an important game, mostly because of what’s happened in the playoffs. But here’s the deal: They’ve never lost to the Rapids in the Open Cup, and in the regular season at home, FCD has only lost to the Rapids nine times in 30 years.
Make no mistake. This game is kind of important… mostly for Colorado. They need this game. If they win, they’re in. If they draw, they need some help. If they lose, they need a lot of help. Go look at the league’s breakdown, if you’re interested.
You know who’s not on that page? FC Dallas. They clinched a playoff spot weeks ago. They’ve already clinched home-field advantage in the best-of-three Round One. They will either finish 2nd with a win or a draw. If they lose, they still finish 2nd if San Jose doesn’t win in Minnesota. They’re in a very good spot and are playing for guaranteed home field in the Western Conference Semifinal if they advance out of Round One.
Everyone has had a week off, nobody is suspended, nobody’s on the injury list, and there’s way less pressure on them than on the Rapids.
Put ’em in the dirt.