I’m Dustin “El Jefe” Christmann, and I am an FC Dallas fanatic from Day One of the Dallas Burn. I’m also a hater. I used to yell mean, hateful things from the stands at the Cotton Bowl and Toyota Stadium, but now I’m sharing my id with you to help guide you, my fellow FCD fans, in your enjoyment of Major League Soccer on TV.
Musical accompaniment
Last week
Personally, I’m a little tired of these weeks with two games in them. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy watching soccer and watching FCD twice a week. However, since Eric Quill appears to be a competent manager, he’s gonna rotate his squad so as not to burn them out. And the problem is that you never get to see a full-strength team in both weeks, so… you get what you get sometimes.
This past week was a case in point. Saturday night, FCD was the far better team for most of the match; they held the Quakes to one shot on target, had an xG of 2.4, had the following momentum chart…
…had 16 shots, with 7 on target, and won 3-0 against a San Jose team that has been near the top of the Western Conference for most of the season. Yes, they were kept off the board until the 83rd minute, but it was just a matter of time before they got the breakthrough.
Then on Wednesday night at home, they hosted Columbus, who have already fired their coach this season, spent time down near the bottom of the Eastern Conference, but have recently poked their heads above the playoff line. Certainly a dangerous team, but one that FCD should be able to manage at home, right?
Wrong. Quill rotated some key players ahead of a road game in Kansas City on Saturday — Joaquin Valiente, Kaick, and Herman Johansson started on the bench — and along with Logan Farrington’s injury and Sam Sarver’s suspension, FCD wasn’t rolling out a first-choice starting lineup against a Columbus team that needed the game a lot more and played like it.
Yes, FCD had 17 shots, with 7 on target, and yes, the momentum chart looked similar to Saturday night’s…
…but the quality was lacking, and Columbus walked out with a 2-0 win. The defining moment came when it appeared that FCD had equalized in the 60th minute thanks to a deflected shot from Shaq Moore, only to have it wiped off the board because Petar Musa was a few inches offside on the buildup. Then, a few minutes later, Columbus scored their second goal after a scramble in the box in which Daniel appeared to stop two point-blank shots, but the second one was a few inches over the line and the goal was given.
Fortunately, Portland beat St. Louis to keep St. Louis three points back. Unfortunately, Vancouver dropped a piano on San Diego and are now four points ahead of FCD with two games to go.
EL SUPERCLÁSICO DEL SIGLO (de la semana)
New England Revolution vs. Inter Miami (Apple TV, Sunday at 6:00)
I really thought about putting Vancouver-Seattle in this slot:
- They’re long-time rivals
- Vancouver has the opportunity to slam the door on FCD for the #1 place in the West.
- Seattle is in eighth place and hasn’t clinched a playoff spot yet and really needs this game.
But I’m going with this game instead. Yeah, it feels like a bit of a cop-out, since it’s the SUNDAY ⚡ NIGHT ⚡ SOCCER ⚡⚡⚡ game of the week. And yes, that’s due to the guy wearing #10 for Miami. But put all that stuff aside. If it weren’t for the fact that Nashville decided to run away and hide from the rest of the Eastern Conference this season, these two teams would be fighting for the top spot. Instead, this game will help decide who the best of the rest is.
It’s pretty easy to see why New England is tied with Vancouver for the second most points in the league. They are in the top quarter of the league in goals conceded. Their scoring isn’t eye-popping, but it is in the upper half of the league, and they currently have two players with double-digit goals, Carles Gil and Dor Turgeman. They’re a balanced team; they’ve got good coaching from Marko Mitrović, and if they weren’t the New England Revolution, you’d almost say that they’ve got a good shot at MLS Cup.
Likewise, it’s pretty easy to see why Miami is as high as it is: Lionel Messi.
Lest you think that Taylor Twellman has suddenly taken over the writing of this column, let me explain. Miami’s defense is not very good. It’s not terrible, but it’s the worst of any team currently in the playoffs. (If Orlando and/or Cincinnati manage to qualify, that’ll change rather dramatically, but for right now, that’s true.) They sit in third because they’ve scored 75 goals in 32 games, which, combined with that suspect defense, has gotten them the third-highest goal differential in the league.
And who has scored 25 of those goals and assisted on 15 more? Lionel Messi. I don’t blame anyone who wants to start engraving his name on the ding-dang MVP award. Without him, they’d more or less be the LA Galaxy… who have given up one fewer goal than Miami has this season.
Jefe the Hater’s rooting pick: New England. I should probably root for the draw here on the off-chance that FCD finishes with more points than both teams AND makes it to the MLS Cup final, but c’mon.
Little Brother Game of the Week
Portland Timbers vs. Houston Dynamo (FS1 and Apple TV, Sunday at 8:45)
Little Brother Green was eliminated from the playoff chase last weekend and is playing two teams behind FCD in their final two games of 2026, so we don’t have to think about them anymore this season. Their fans can devote themselves to their first love until next February: Paving over all of central Texas while pretending that they’re not like Dallas or Houston.
Meanwhile, we’ll return to our first love in this column: Shit-talking Little Brother Orange.
And while Little Brother Green has not shown much resistance to anyone this season and has its players booking off-season trips to Cancún, Little Brother Orange has shown quite a bit more competence and is currently sitting fourth in the West. They even spent a few days in first earlier this season! They’re currently seven points behind Vancouver, so they can’t finish in first, but they can still catch FCD for second.
Fortunately, we’ve got the Portland Timbers to help us out. Now, some might say that their four wins and four draws in the 14 matches since Martí Cifuentes was hired to replace Phil Neville is nothing to write home about, but hey, that’s still far better than Neville was managing. (The downside for us is that Neville is now annoying us as a color commentator on Apple broadcasts.) What’s more, they’re on a two-game winning streak in the past week, thanks to a home win against Charlotte last weekend and a road win in St. Louis on Wednesday night.
We believe in you, Timbers.
Or FCD can just take care of business in Kansas City.
Jefe the Hater’s rooting pick: Portland
Sickos Game of the Week
Atlanta United vs. Toronto FC (Apple TV, 3:30)
Speaking of teams whom will thankfully soon stop seeing until February, we got Atlanta United. I originally wrote “these two clown cars,” but much to my surprise, Toronto has not yet been eliminated yet. And in fact, they’re only two points out of ninth place. If you’re ever in need of evidence that MLS lets too many teams into the playoffs, you just need the fact that Toronto has made it to the penultimate weekend of the season without being eliminated.
To be honest, I’m tired of talking about either of these two teams. It’s been the same thing every year for the past few years:
- Team spends a lot of money in the offseason.
- The star-humping American soccer media jump on the hype train coming into the season.
- Team stinks out loud once games are played.
- Go to step 1.
The most interesting thing that’s happened since February at either Mercedes-Benz Stadium or at BMO Field has been the World Cup. That’s a big reason why crowds for Atlanta United have been on a steady decline the past few seasons. Certainly, it’s not to watch a team finish 14th in the East year after year.
But really, there’s no reason to watch this game. None. Don’t do this to yourself. Starting an hour earlier is the Vancouver-Seattle game. Starting at the same time is Nashville-Red Bulls. Starting a half hour later is NWSL Decision Day. Also starting half an hour later is Dallas Trinity’s game against Ft. Lauderdale. And that’s not all. Go to livesoccertv.com and see for yourself.
It’s 2026. You’ve got options.
Jefe the Hater’s rooting pick:
Good Guys Game of the Week
Sporting Kansas City vs. FC Dallas (Apple TV, 2:00)
Theoretically, this should be a gimme for FCD in its quest to finish in second. Yeah, they’re still technically alive for first, but they’re four points back with two games to go. That would require two losses by Vancouver against Seattle and Montreal combined with FCD wins over the Sporks and Rapids. It’s possible, but unlikely.
The good news is that beating the Sporks almost gets them there. The best that St. Louis and Little Brother Orange could do is tie FCD on points and tie FCD on the first tiebreaker, wins. And while I can talk about goal differential, the second tiebreaker, you’re here for that and besides, St. Louis and the Orange play on Decision Day anyway.
So just beat the worst team in the league in their house and have the intrepid FCD sales staff start selling home playoff games, at least until — knock on wood — they’re in the Western Conference Final against Vancouver.
And yet, if I’m being honest with you, I’m a little anxious about this game. Why?
First, this has “trap game” written all over it. FCD is one of the best teams in the league; meanwhile, the Sporks are having one of the worst seasons in league history.
By any metric, Sporting is bad. And yet, this is MLS. Upsets happen a lot more than elsewhere. The Sporks haven’t won very many games this year, but they have beaten two teams in playoff position, Little Brother Orange and LAFC. They’ve beaten the Galaxy twice, a team that’s just outside the playoff spots. They got a draw against St. Louis. They can beat FCD in their own house.
The Sporks fought like rabid raccoons that day and put a real scare into FCD in Frisco. Do you think they’re gonna be more compliant in front of their own fans? They might, but I kinda doubt it.
Third, there’s this:
Not only did FCD lose the game against Columbus on Wednesday night, but they also lost two competent center backs due to yellow-card accumulation. Now, Eric Quill has shown that he can MacGyver a lineup better than most managers, but this’ll be a challenge. The obvious thing to do would be to start Lalas Abubakar and Sebastian Ibeagha next to Osaze Urhoghide, but Moore has been quite good at center back this season, and Norris has grown as a player and has helped keep Ibeagha from burning out from overuse.
As for Logan Farrington, FCD has been historically cagey in their injury reports. “Lower body (Questionable)” could mean anything from “his leg is completely enclosed in a cast” to “he’s got a small hitch in his giddyup, but is available off the bench.” He’s scored double-digit goals this season, so it would be nice to have him available for selection, but at least Sam Sarver has ended his league-enforced time off, and Daniel Job is showing that he might be a useful signing.
Like I said, a lot of things are making me uneasy about this game. But this team has shown us that they rise to the occasion and get the job done, especially on the road. Bring home the three points and firm up the playoff position. Go Burn.